The German Drama Llama: Health Insurance (continued)

That's right, that is the official German Drama Llama, drawn be the amazing Mike Hind over at http://www.thedevilisland.com/.  On top of drawing fabulous lederhosen-clad llamas, he also plays a mean ukulele.  

My health insurance drama continued yesterday, when Al and I went down to the original health insurance company to see if we could punch them in the kidneys rationally enough that they would not make me back pay four months of fees thanks to their own mistake.  The answer was no.  So we immediately hit up the next (better) place, and got me signed up.  The guy we spoke to was very nice, even though every time I asked a question, he directed the answer at Al.  See?  Maybe foreign does count as severely disabled.  HIRE ME, RESEARCH INSTITUTE.

Now that that hurdle was cleared, I could get down to the business of actually seeing a doctor...which turned out to be its own brand of a great time. I called six-- count 'em    --six different offices, specialists, and hospitals.  Two of them had closed their buildings for the entire month of August.  One told me that there were no doctors present until September, which I understood as an open invitation to come be examined by either a monkey or a potted plant.  One told me I could come in at the end of August, but warned me that the knee doctor only saw knee patients once a week (...).  But my personal favorite was the last office, who told me they couldn't fit me in until the end of October.  To which I politely declined, mostly because I hadn't realized I'd accidentally dialed The People's Hospital of Leningrad circa 1954.  

Once again, my situation proves the fact that I have exceptionally bad timing.  August is officially German Vacation Month, when everyone goes away to wear overcoats on cold Scandinavian beaches and be really excited about it.  However, in my naivete, I didn't realize this included doctors.  In my brain, doctors don't take vacations.  Or if they do, they stagger their overcoated beach experiences throughout the year so that August wouldn't be Potted Plant and Monkey Month. 

I finally did get an appointment, but with a catch--it's for the beginning of next week. The health insurance guy couldn't promise I'd get my card in time, and if I don't, the secretary informed me that would I have to come back in September.  

Will Tina get to a doctor?  Or will she just go to the zoo?  Tune in next week to find out.

Vashe dzorovje!