Tina's Worst Idea Yet

I generally try to make at least one bad decision per day. Yesterday it was taking my bike over the border, winding up in some tiny Swiss town, having no idea how to get back to Konstanz, and consulting maps in a church cemetary. Today it was wandering into the jewelery store, and spontaneously and spur-of-the-momently getting my ears pierced while I was completely alone and an hour before I had class.

I'd been thinking about getting it done for awhile, and Sungmi had even offered to do them for me. But as much as I trust Asians with anything and everything beauty related, somehow the prospect of a professional with an earring gun sounded alot better than Sungmi (as much as I love her) putting holes in my head with nondescript household objects, namely a needle, a magic marker, and a lighter.

So, just curiously, I wandered into Aforementioned Jewelery Store and asked how much money I would have to give them in exchange for them perforating my face. "7 Euros" said Store Lady, "But I'm afraid dear that you have to be at least 16." "Well, that's good," I said, "because I'm 20." Store Lady stared at me for like 30 seconds, started laughing and said "Seriously? Because you look like you're fourteen." Thanks, Store Lady. Anyway, Store Lady had me pick out earrings, threw a stool down in the middle of the store, and said "Now don't you worry, Other Store Lady is going to do them for you. I've pierced ears before, but only once, and...well...Other Store Lady will do it. Other Store Lady, you'll do it, right?" "Hells no," Other Store Lady said, "you can do it."

Wow, Store Ladies, really not making me feel comfortable right about now.

Anyway, Store Ladies pulled about 8 billion different gadgets out of packages, sterilized things for like 8 years, and finally pulled out Earring Gun. "Don't worry," said Store Lady, "I've practiced alot." What I felt like saying was "With all due respect Store Lady, I totally wasn't worrying until you pointed out that you'd only ever done this once, and hinted that it didn't go so well. The thought of you practicing on dummy heads doesn't make me feel any better, and, if truth be told, I think this is a terrible idea, I don't trust you to put holes in ears eithout killing me in the process, and Sungmi with a lighter is sounding alot safer right about now." But I didn't actually say anything.

Hole 1 went quite well, but when Store Lady put Hole 2 in (with Other Store Lady muttering helpful hints and suggestions along the way, which disturbed me even more), they both freaked out. I don't know why they both went nuts, but when they freaked out I freaked out, and Store Lady going "It's okay! It's okay! I think it's okay!" pretty much put me over the edge. I stood up, but as soon as I did, the entire room went white, everyone's voices went about three octaves lower, and I went into total Get Away From Crazy Ladies Wielding Earring Guns mode. I paid, took the little leaflet they gave me and the bottle of cleaner so my ears don't get infected and fall off, and was out of there like lightning.

In retrospect, having Sungmi do my ears probably would have been less traumatizing, but they actually look quite nice, if I do say so myself. Marina said they really bring out the color of my eyes, which confuses me alot because my earrings are blue, but I figure at least now I can wear crap off the sides of my face like normal people.

Adios amigos

I touched a yak!

So the weather has been absolutley perfect the last two days (almost making up for a solid month and a half of mostly rain), so we celebrated in style!

Friday night we were hanging out in my apartment, and there were like eight parties going on somewhere below us. We were sitting at the table, and all of a sudden this weird kid walked by the window dressed in drag, gave us this creepy grin and waved. I was vaguely disturbed.

Saturday Sungmi and I went down to the Rhine for a picnic, which was really sweet. We just kind of chilled out for two hours, flew our kites off the bridge, and I somehow, in the middle of April in Germany, managed to get sunburnt. But only on one shoulder, which means half of me is red and the other half is pasty white, which also means everyone I know has been laughing at me. Took lots of pictures, and Sungmi, in her typical South Korean Ridiculous Adorableness made this:

That night the traveling circus was in town! http://www.circus-probst.de/ So a bunch of us headed down to check it out, and it wound up being pretty sweet. The camels were quite cool, as was an emu they had jumping over the camels, which was mostly awesome because it was being bad and just running around in circles, eventually making 3 circus handlers chase it around the ring. Plus also they had a yak, which was probably the coolest thing I've ever seen ever.

Today was American Breakfast Sunday again, so Sungmi, Fabio and I cooked an entire carton of eggs, four packages of bacon, and two big things of pancake mix for everyone which was way fun. Another American from two floors down stopped by, we gave him breakfast, and he was telling us about a party he'd been to Friday night. Conversation went like this:

Him: So the theme of the party was dress-in-drag.
Me: Oh! That's what that was! Because some weird kid came up to our window in a black dress and waved at me, and I was really freaked out.
Him: Yeah? What was he wearing?
Me: Little black dress, a pearl necklace.
Him: A pink scarf?
Me: I can't remember, but definitely the pearls.
Him: Yeah, that was me.
Me: Oh. *long pause* Cute dress.

Afterwards we headed down to a Bodensee Park right over the border to play frisbee and wander around. On the way we passed behind the circus where a bunch of the animals were out, and guess what? I TOUCHED THE YAK. My life is complete, and if I die in my sleep tonight, I can die happy because for fifteen seconds I got to pet a giant horned beast that hails from the same country as the Dalai Lama. Seriously, how many people can say they've touched a yak?

Yak=love.

Monica Lewinsky

Can we talk about this? Can we discuss how I got assigned to do an oral presentation on Bill Clinton's sex buddy to a class of native German speakers? Can someone shoot me in the face now and get in over with?

Laugh at me all you want, but american culture gets torn to shreds in the class, which makes for a really awkward hour and a half of me twitching in my chair and praying no one asks where I'm from. How about, instead of Monica, I do an impromptu change of topic to something like the Third Reich, and watch you all squirm? I just might.

In other news, the Autobahn is really not all it's cracked up to be; sort of like the Jersey Turnpike but faster and cleaner.

Nothing much new, we all went out to Latino's tonight, which is this bar/resturaunt thing with really kickass nachos. It's supposed to be Mexican food, but considering the German love of culinary products blander than air, the hottest foods here tend to be spiced with salt. Which doesn't make for very mexican Mexican, but I, however, love this country.

Weekend is gearing up to be pretty sweet, complete with picnics, circuses, Italian/American cook-fests, and Greek Orthodox Easter. I don't get it either, but Marina says she'll give us Greek food. I'm down.

Adios!

Prozac/New Friends/Aikido

Lots of stuff happened today!

So today started out pretty crappy. I have way too much free time for my own good, so I decided to find another class to take, and I found a cool translation course that sounded interesting. But when I went today, the professor was like “Is there anyone here who missed the first class?” I raised my hand and he started flipping out and yelling at me. Someone needs a nap, I think, or some Prozac. Anyway, Prozac Professor eventually made me write down my email address, and told me if he had room he’d email me. Which he did, but only to tell me I couldn’t take the class. Thanks.

Then on the bus, I was sitting next to this girl with a British flag sewn onto her purse. "Oh," I said, "are you from England?" "No," she said, "but God knows it's better than an American flag." And then, of course, she asked, "So where are you from?" Oh Fuck. "America." *long pause* "Oh. Sorry." She pretty much teleported off the bus, she was gone that fast.

Then, as I was biking to aikido, this random girl stopped me and asked if I knew where the Sporthalle was. I told her I was going too, so we went together, and established we were both going for aikido. Yay another new friend! She’s Russian, born in Kazakhstan (neat!), and speaks Russian, German, English and Portuguese. Crazy, the cool friends I make.

Anyway, aikido:
Dear all the martial artists I know,
Chris, Jen, Bruce, Zack, and is there anyone else I know who’s reading this that does martial arts? I could really use some advice, so help me out. Which is worse, doing no aikido or questionable aikido for the next few months? I think part of the problem is I went in with such high expectations, assuming the group I found would be the German equivalent of the group back in the US, and it’s a pretty far cry away, it’s not even on the same playing field. In fact, if the group in the US is playing the major leagues on Wrigley Field, the group in Germany is third graders playing on a dirt lot behind the elementary school with one glove, no bases, and a tennis ball. Or something.

Verdict 1: German aikido men are total and complete pansies.

Verdict 2: The aikido looks (to me) kind of flowery—there was lots of bringing your attacker around your entire body twice before doing anything, standing on your toes and doing weird backbends. I don’t understand, but I’m so desperate to do something, but is it worth it? I don’t know. Half the problem is I suck and I don't know what I'm doing

Verdict 3: The sensei seems okay, but as Russian Friend and I were biking back, she said “Can I tell you something? I’m not a huge fan of the sensei.” “Yeah,” I said, “I got weird vibes too.” “I think it’s something spiritual,” she said, “but whatever it is, it feels pretty fundamental, and it’s definitely lacking.” “I have no idea about anything,” I said, “but I do think I know what you’re talking about.” It doesn’t feel like there’s any intent behind anything he does. Anyway, I have no idea, I’m too new to really know what’s going on, what do you guys think? Should I go once or twice, and then see how I feel? Am I just not being open to new teaching styles? Russian Friend said she’s heard there’s an aikido dojo in Kreuzlingen, maybe we'll check them out first before we make any decisions. But if somebody who knows what they're talking about could help out the stupid newbie, that would be awesome.

Final Verdict: Sorely disappointed.

On a positive note, we have oven racks again. Here’s to hoping no other kitchen appliances are subjected to CR’s random acts of charity.

Oven Racks

First year roommate was disturbing, roommate last semester was nonexistent, but Chinese Roommate is just weird. Not different. Just weird.

Among other things, Vegemite and I finally discovered what she was doing those three nights she kept us all awake. Apparently she was throwing a ball against the wall and not digging a tunnel to China as had previously been thought, and which, in retrospect, would have made more sense. I don't know if it's bizarre exercise that can only be done when the moon is full or what, but CR found reason to throw a handball against a concrete wall for four hours a night, 3 days in a row, and only at ungodly hours, namely 2 o clock in the morning.

The reason for this post is that I just got yelled at for using the liquid boiler thing in the kitchen to boil liquid. When CR approached me (liquid boiler in hand), and delivered her sermon on Why It Was Wrong For Me To Boil Liquid In The Liquid Boiler Even Though I Cleaned The Goddamned Thing Afterwards, I was like "Oh, p.s Chinese Roommate, do you have any idea where our oven racks went? Because I went to use the oven today, but the oven racks are gone and I can't find them." "Oh," said CR, "I gave them away."

I'm sorry, come again? You gave away our oven racks? You gave away our oven racks? Jesus Mary and Joseph Christ on a Sidecar with an order of the Whore of Babylon and everything else that is swear-worthy in every religious book on the planet. I'm all for helping the poor or what not, but it seems to be like a better idea to join the Peace Corps, Doctors Without Borders, or that organization that fixes cleft lips for a dollar. Or, if it's donating that you fancy, you can give money, give clothing, give old books you haven't read in years or toys you never liked from your childhood and write them off as tax-deductible. Personally, I'm all for adopting babies from Guatemala, digging ditches for farmers in Columbia, signing up for newsletters out of guilt, buying homeless people sandwiches, doing canned food drives, going to Bono concerts and hells-yes-ing Bill Gates philanthropy. Somehow I feel as those all of these would accomplish more than giving away the goddamned oven racks.

Seriously, what are third world children going to do with oven racks? "Gee, thanks Red Cross, I'm starving, my country's been ravaged by war, big business and western politics, I've had malaria eight times, and the one history textbook that exists in my single room roofless schoolhouse still says there's an iron curtain across Europe, but now that you've given me these kick-ass oven racks, I really feel that my life is going to change for the better."

Jesus Mary and Joseph Christ on a Sidecar with an order of the Whore of Babylon, I am so pissed off. But more than that, I just don't understand.