America America!

Oh hey Amurrica!  How's it hanging?

In a nutshell, these past three weeks have possibly been the greatest ever.  Here is a small sample of the things I did:

--Rode lots of horses, some of which tried to kill me, some of which didn't.
--Baked, excessively.
--Scared myself shitless watching The Walking Dead, but continued watching it anyway.
--Made my sister accompany me around the house after dark when I was scared shitless from watching The Walking Dead.
--Slammed Tim-Tams
--Sat on frozen pizza dough to warm it up "naturally."
--Forced Vegemite on as many people as possible.
--Decorated a cake to resemble the gummi bear version of the Civil War, with the addition of a Gone With The Wind love affair in the corner, except in our version, Scarlett O'Hara was also a man.  At least until the napalm came, then it at went to hell.
--Ate oatmeal.
--Bought a lot of clothes.  Or rather, sat in the dressing room complaining about buying clothes while my mother and sister picked out attractive things and told me to put them on or else walk home.
--Was morally opposed to Lauren Conrad.
--Played music with people far more talented than I am.
--Saved money buying lots of things in America, such as jeans, a hamper, and a mattress topper.
--Rediscovered a lot of important things I forgot to pack the first time I left.  For example, my Nerf gun.
--Tried to learn to Dougie.  Did not succeed.
--Played with lots and lots of puppies.
--Took singing boot camp with my Jersey voice coach.
--Went to Seaside Heights with Claire and danced in front of all the locations featured on Jersey Shore.
--Saw Memphis on Broadway and made friends with San Fran people in a speakeasy.
--Picked up not one, but two babies, neither of which screamed.
--Saw The Hunger Games and it was awesome.
--Celebrated my birthday!

Now that I'm 24, marriage and children has come up in conversation a few times, either Aversions To, Musings On, or Gossip About.  I knew that the gods of statistics were predicting these things for my near future, so decided to look it up on the Interwebs, and discovered that I'm a mere 1.1 years away from statistically having a child, and 2.5 years away from statistically getting married, in that order.  Joseph helpfully pointed out that would mean getting knocked up in the next three months or so, but I have a secret, and it ensures I will never get pregnant.  And that secret is, every time I see a super cute baby or a radiant pregnant woman, all I have to do is remember the three days I spent picking nits out of my hair, and those primal hormones fizzle out like a can of coke thrown violently into a box of wet fireworks.  Because by the time I recover from that special experience, I'll either be menopausal or dead.  Although I did play with two fiendishly cute babies, but....nope.  Nope.  May get headlice one day.

Final thoughts, just in case I hadn't already made it apparent: America was amazing. So, so, so amazing.  I saw brilliant people, I did brilliant things, and most importantly, I had a much needed mental-health break.  I got to relax, to breathe, to relearn to be myself--I didn't realize what a nervous, anxious wreck I had become until I didn't have to hide in my room being a nervous, anxious wreck.  And my mom left notes reminding me to drink all the milk, which is how I know she loves me.  So I figure if you have kickass people in your life who love you in spite of, or perhaps due to, all your collective weirdness, then you need to hold on to them with both hands and bribe them with candy to keep them around.  Which is why I brought so much chocolate home with me.

It's been a rough couple months, but all in all, I feel like myself again.  I feel mentally and emotionally recharged.  I feel like I can kick the whole world's ass.  I am fully ready to take on grad school.  So watch your face Göttingen, I'm about to be all up in it.

Adios!