06 January 2012

Claire Episode Recap, Part the Berlin!

brCLAIRE CAME!  And it was the greatest week ever and I totally got teary in the airport and I'm still very very sad and it has been several hours since I put her on the plane.

I'm going to attempt to do what I have never done before, and sum up an entire week as concisely as possible, i.e., in two posts.  I shall do this by strategic use of BEING CONCISE.  And throwing in a shitload of pictures.  Aaand...go!

Day 1: Thursday, December 30th: Baking and Ice Cream, not at the same time.


Host Dad kindly offered to pick Claire up from the airport, so that is what we did!  I found her arrivals gate, which is separated from the main area by a giant piece of what is probably terrorist-proof glass.  While staring intensely at the passengers waiting for their bags, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a lone figure walking in completely the wrong direction, towards the empty corner where the the terrorist-proof meets the wall.  "That has to be Claire," I said to myself...and sure enough, it was!  And that's how we wound up laughing our heads off through the giant glass, despite barely being able to hear each other.  The whole thing was vaguely
reminiscent of prison, except Claire wasn't there for prostitution.

Then she came out and there were hugs and we drove home.  We didn't waste any time, and started baking immediately.  Sugar cookies sandwiched with icing she'd brought from America, dyed four separate colors.  Delicious?  Yes.  Appetizing to Europeans?  No.  Then the Host Parents threw a little dinner party, and Claire tried (and enjoyed) the funky German bread.  Afterwards, we walked into town to see things and eat Spaghetti-Eis (ice cream that looks like spaghetti?) in the freezing cold.  Bangin.  On the way back, Claire informed me that I have ceased to sound American.

Day 2: Saturday, December 31th.  Making Craptons of Friends.


Claire and I woke up bright and early to hop several trains to Berlin.  The German train system, while generally blowing, does have a few convenient things, namely, a ticket that allows you to travel with four other people on the weekend.  I put out the call on the internet, and roped in three people who wanted to come with us, meaning we each went to Berlin for a grand total of 8 euros.  However, so many people wound up emailing me, I helped a bunch of them find each other, which meant we wound up travelling together as a group of ten.  We bonded with a few of the other girls, one of whom worked as an au pair in the States.  Apparently she didn't realize from our email conversation that I was foreign, but, and I quote, "I did think it was really weird that you were being so nice to me."  She said I don't sound American either.

Once in Berlin, we navigated public transportation and met up with our couchsurf, who was hilarious and actually built us a blanket fort in his room to sleep in.  He asked us if we had any particular New Year's plans.  I had brought a crap ton of fireworks, but other than setting them off, we had nothing.  He said, "Well, if you want, we're going to climb to the roof of an abandoned building and shoot them off there if you want to come."  Who says no to a thing like that?  But we still had several hours before setting-shit-on-fire time, so we decided to run around the city a little bit.  A random guy I asked for directions told me I was adorable, then asked if I was single, and a British guy we ran into at Brandenburger Tor told me that I don't sound like an American.

Here, have a picture of Claire at the Tor with the Swedish Moose.

And one of just the street.

After we got back, we joined up with our couchsurf to go explore the abandoned building.  Unfortunately, as we discovered when we got there, the city had walled off the access to the roof, so we (the so-labeled International Guests) wound up just setting off our fireworks on a street corner and avoiding New York, a random drunk guy who keep trying to get into our pants with that eternally successful pick-up line, "Hey!  Did you know Philadelphia BLOWS?"



The giant group then headed to a Drum and Bass party at a club called Badlands, and, suffice to say, we did not fit in.  Here's how you dance to drum and bass:

Step 1.  Look angry.
Step 2.  Hunch your shoulders.
Step 3.  Start bobbing your head.  Do not make eye contact with anyone.
Step 4.  Start getting some shoulder action in there.
Step 5.  Start shuffling your feet.
Step 6.  Have an extended body spasm.
Step 7.  Be entertained for twenty minutes.
Step 8.  People watch for another twenty minutes.
Step 9.  Hide in the bathroom.  Watch two people go into one stall.
Step 10.  Grab your American friend, and go to a really overpriced bar instead.

On our way there, we passed a car with a hole blown in the roof (courtesy of some asshole setting a firework off from it), and a mattress.  Which meant that Claire's directions to the club for the three lost British guys we encountered went something like "Take a left at the mattress and keep going until you see the ashy car."  We asked them if I had an American accent, they told me no.

Then it was our turn to ask for directions, and the random guy I picked decided he wanted to come with us.  He had apparently just been thrown out of the party by his ex-girlfriend, who did not appreciate him spilling the beans that they were broken up.  I had possibly the strangest conversation about romance of my life, the best part being this:

"My ex-girlfriend hates me."
"Oh yeah?  That's sad.  Why would she do a thing like that?"
"Because she loves me."
"..."

He also fondled the Swedish Moose.  Swedish Moose was not pleased.

Anyway.  Really overpriced bar, went back to the couchsurf's (he gave us a key), and tried to sleep.  Did not actually sleep.

Day 3:  Sunday, January 1st.  Nazi Airports Make Everything Better.

When we woke up the next morning (or, more accurately, just stayed conscious after five failed hours at sleeping), we discovered our couchsurf still hadn't actually come back.  But we decided that despite the weather, we were going to go do touristy things, like go to the old Nazi airport.  Which was cool, until it started really really raining.  And then it was still pretty cool.



Then it was Go Take Pictures On The Artistic Berlin Wall time.


Then we met up with my friends!  Sungmi and Alex are two very dear friends I studied with in Konstanz, and seeing them again was awesome.  We ate super traditional German food, caught up, and enabled the Swedish Moose's drug addiction.


Not ready for the evening to be over, we all trekked to the Berliner Dom, to hit up random ladies in crazy coats passing by until we found one that could work a camera long enough to take a picture of us.


After parting ways, Claire and I went back to the Tor to see it minus eighty million other people.  This was our "look really surprised that there's a giant gate behind you" picture:

When we got back to the couchsurf's at the end of the day, we discovered he hadn't come back from the club until two in the afternoon.  Speaking of commitment!

Day 4:  Monday, January 2nd.  Twilight Is The Most Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Ever.

Monday morning, we had a plan.  We were going to Checkpoint Charlie.  We were going to the wall.  We were going to the Dom.  We were going to the Stasi museum. We were going to do ALL OF THESE THINGS...until we got distracted by Starbucks. And then we drank non-coffee beverages and split a muffin.

But conveniently, the Starbucks was right next to Checkpoint Charlie, so we did actually see that.  And thankfully, this time I did not get slapped by a Romanian lady. Have I told that story on here?  


Also highly convenient, turns out a giant piece of the wall is located all of about three minutes from here, so we saw that too.  At first, out of respect for history, we tried to be solemn.  We did.  We took very solemn pictures.

But it's hard to be solemn when you're holding a Swedish moose and your umbrella is pink.

And unfortunately, a little bit of unsolemnness lead to a whole lot of unsolemnness.  



And that's how we wound up climbing under the railing and posing for "escaping East Berlin" pictures with a stuffed moose.

More out of love for my sister than anything else, we reluctantly went to KaDeWe, one of the biggest, if not the biggest, department stores in Germany.  

Plus side: it was huge.  Downside:  we were lazy.  Plus side:  they sell BROWN SUGAR CINNAMON POP TARTS. Down side:  They cost 14 dollars.  Plus side:  There are bears.  Down side:  They are not real.

Somehow at this point we had convinced our couchsurf that he should come and see the new Twilight movie with us.  Let me explain: Claire and I traditionally see Twilight together, and occasionally with other people, as long as we can blackmail them.  We go because the movies are so unintentionally hilarious, which means we start laughing the second the lights go out.  The people around us...not so much.  This time was no different.  The most recent Twilight film is so bad as to be absolutely amazing, a sentiment our couchsurf did not agree with.  But we were DYING.  

Later that night, we met up with the SHBF!  I now have a witness.  Claire can attest to it: not only has everything I've ever had to say on the subject been accurate, it's also been somewhat understated.  And the brownie was delicious.  It was a perfect end to our weekend in Berlin.

There you have it!  That's what we did!  We saw old friends.  We made new ones.  We shot off fireworks, some of which went into the sky.  We lit up 30 sparklers at once and almost set ourselves on fire.  We discovered our couchsurf has partied with the cast of Jersey Shore.  We  ate a crapton of chocolate.  We lost our way and our accents.  We had the singular most epic New Year's ever.  

Up next tomorrow, Claire and I run around Celle and Hannover, sorely embarrass ourselves on the erotic dancing street, and eat goulash.  

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

KADEWEEEEE!

it's the SECOND LARGEST department store in EUROPE tina! that's a big deal.

<3amy

Anonymous said...

oh, and i also got spaghetti eis the first day i was in munich. we got off the bus, hit the streets, and pathetically asked like six people where to find it.
in short, it's the shit.
<3amy