DANISH INTERNET!!

Internet at last, internet at last, thank God Almighty, I have internet at last!

Shamlessly corrupting the worlds of MLK Jr?  Check.  Not on the Bucket List, but it should have been.

Hello friends!  Look, I found the internet!  It took me 3 days, and I had to bike a grand total of 61 kilometers to find this stupid place.  That's 38 miles.  38 miles I biked for internet.  Jesus Christ, I have thigh muscles like fucking Goliath.  I battled insects, unmarked roads, and the setting Danish sun, and I also ran over a small frog, that's how much I love you.  And I am so glad I finally found it, because after nine days I have learned that without being able to talk to/facebook stalk you, I am really lonely.  So lonely I almost put socks on my hands and talked to them.  But not quite.

However, because upon arrival I anticipated not finding an internet cafe, I'd already prepared something special for you.  So I won't give too much away here, but I will hit you up with some interesting facts.

For starters, by virtue of my sheer and utter isolation on the Baltic Sea, Claire has somehow become my main source of American news, a fact which both saddens and highly entertains me.  But it's thanks to Claire I know you guys have all just survived an earthquake and a hurricane.  From the sounds of it, God is clearly punishing the east coast for something, my guess is the Tea Party.  If I were you, I'd start shaving the sacrificial goat's throat or something.

The weather here was beautifully hot at first.  I got sunburn and my year's worth of Vitamin D.  But I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't want wrinkles when I'm thirty, so I've liberally been applying sunscreen to my face, minimally applying it elsewhere.  This has had the unfortunate side effect of making my face a dramatically different color than the rest of me.

I thought Germans were blond, and then I came to Denmark, and then I was surrounded by sunburnt albinos.

My German language reading level is up from that of an 8 year old to that of a 12 year old.  Not bad in two months!  If this trend continues, I will be up to speed in no time.

Fun Danish keyboard letters!  å!  æ!  ø!

Last night I had a dream that Justin Bieber lost his Canadian citizenship.  Analyze that, bitches.

We have also hiked to waterfalls, climbed around castle ruins, and toured a round church, interesting only because it is round.  Biking through the Danish countryside is beautiful, but I'm ready to get abck to Germany.

And now...

Is It Gay or Is It DANISH!!

The scenario:  A guy in his mid-forties.  Tight, dark-wash jeans.  Really white shoes with hot green soles.  A pale yellow undershirt.  V-neck blue and pink striped polo, collar popped.  Jean jacket, collar popped.  Shell necklace.  Mustache waxed into two perfect curls.  He looked fabulous.       

My 30 Danish Kroner of internet time is ticking away, and I've still got to check Facebook.  I'll be back to the internet on Saturday, so hang in there my friends, and try not to die in any natural disasters!