The Worst Bedtime Story Ever.

Okay.  So.  First things first, reading, as in, me doing it.  To improve my German language reading skills, I started with picture books, and I've been working my way up from there.  Currently I'm reading at an 8 year old level.  Whatever.  Anyway, the point is, I just finished a really famous German children's book, and it was so horrendously sad, I don't know what to do with myself.  The book is called Die Brüder Löwenherz (The Brothers Lionheart), and let me break it down for you.

Chapter 1:  Younger Lionheart brother is really sick, and overhears that he's going to die soon.  His older brother makes him feel better by describing, in great detail, a land called Nangijala, where everything is perfect and beautiful and no one has any troubles.  So basically, heaven.  Then there's a fire, older brother carries sick brother out on his shoulders, saves his life...and then dies.

Chapter 2:  Sick brother is really sad about his brother dying.  Then he dies.

Chapter 3:  Both brothers reunite in Nangijala where everything is awesome until suddenly, it's not.  Because some big bad guy is being tyrannical the next village over, and they have to go stop him.

Chapter 4-Penultimate Chapter:  Lots of espionage, brothers saving prisoners, organizing an underground resistance to the bad guy, and then finally, fighting the bad guy.  Half their friends die, but they win.  But oh shit, look there's a giant bad dragon we need to get rid of, but it's okay, we have this magic horn that controls it, at least until we accidentally drop it into this river.  Shit.  Dragon chases the brothers, until it finally falls over a waterfall, gets into a fight with another monster, and they both kill each other.

Last Chapter:  Older brother realizes he can't move all of a sudden.  Because, while running from the dragon, he came in contact with the dragon's Super Paralyzing Until Fatal Breath.  Younger brother is like what the fuck I thought we were already in heaven, now what?  Older brother is all, don't worry, there's conveniently another heaven for if you die in this one.  It's called Nangilima.  That's where I'm going. Younger brother says he's coming too, but we have to take our horses with us because we are really attached to them.  No can do, says older brother, they died when you weren't looking.  So the younger brother picks up the older brother, slings him across his shoulders, and they jump off a cliff.

The End.

This is a children's book.

Jesus.

In other news, I am on a Bucket List streak this week, because I have just crossed off number 8, "stall out my manual transmission in a highly inconvenient place."  For the record, I have already done this numerous times, but I was waiting for Fate to kick me in the face with a really, really bad one.  Like today, when I was attempting to park in a parking garage (problem number one: I really hate them), and stalled out going up an absurdly steep ramp, with a million cars behind me.  Luckily, as soon as I started inadvertently reversing, they all backed up.  I first geared in the wrong direction, all the way back down the ramp.  I was successful the second time around, but when I got out of the car, my hands were shaking.  So I bought chocolate and made myself feel better.

Also, today I made chicken pot pie from scratch it was AWESOME.  I even successfully chopped up the deboned, deskinned chicken breast without a problem.  I also made a super epic blanket fort with the child.

I did not jump off a cliff.

The End.

P.S.  We'll be gone this weekend visiting host dad's family, but have a fabulous weekend my friends!