INSECT INFESTATION!
So after I got back from Stuttgart (and wrote my last blog entry), I left my window cracked for like half an hour. When I went to go brush my teeth, I heard a weird buzzing sound from behind me, and when I looked up the entire ceiling was completely (COMPLETELY) covered in insects.
To say that I freaked out is a bit of a (gross) understatement. Mr. Personality heard me freaking out, and ran out of his room to see what the issue was. I pointed at my ceiling. "Crap," he said, "I've never seen it that bad." "What do I do!?" "Close your door so they can't come into my room." "Can't you help me do something?" I said. And he said: "...Do I have to?"
Wow, way to demonstrate the chivalry of German men.
Thankfully he suggested the use of his Spider Sucking Vaccuum. Mr. Personality (who has a huge bug aversion) has a vaccuum specifically designated for spiders, which I had always laughed at him for in my head, but truth be told I'll never laugh again. Spider Sucking Vaccuum saved my life. I spent three hours sucking insects off my walls, didn't sleep because I was too busy panicking about said insects, and went out first thing today and bought an insect screen for my window. Unfortunately, I'm still sleeping on a bare mattress (because the bugs were in my sheets too, so those got stripped, but I couldn't wash them today because somebody broke the washroom, which is an entirely different story).
To make things even better, guess what I learned today? Here's the conversation:
"Hey Tina, that is a giant spider outside your window!"
"I know, it's been living there all year. Thank god for this bug screen."
"Yeah, wow, and...HOLY CRAP THAT SPIDER."
"What?"
"It's venemous!"
"Are you fucking kidding me? I just sucked about 8 thousand bugs off the ceiling and now I have a venemous spider living outside my window?"
"Yeah."
"How many kinds of venemous spiders are there in Germany?"
"One."
"THAT ONE."
"Yeah."
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
"No."
"Crap."
So, the one type of venemous spider that exists in this country has currently made it's home right outside my window. this would be him To say that I'm having insect issues is a bit of a (gross) understatement.
In other (weird) news, my German grammar class occasionally gets taught by students who are pursuing careers in German-as-a-foreign-language, and guess what today's lesson was on? "Tolerance in Germany." Except the two students teaching spent an hour and a half talking about how people in Germany hate foreigners, showed us a film about a German woman cursing off foreigners, asked us if we had personally had any experience with Germans hating foreigners, and gave us a list of vocabulary to learn. So today, Uni Konstanz paid for me to learn such words as "Nigger" "Welfare Queen" "Poor People Who Have Too Many Children And Suck Our Taxes," "Poor People Who Don't Work And Suck All Our Taxes," "Poor People Who Do Work And Suck All Our Jobs (And Probably Our Taxes As Well)." I'm not even kidding. We seriously learned "nigger" and other really bad words for black people and foreigners in German.
The film they showed us was particularly bizarre. In it a young black man sits down on a bus next to an old woman. Begin woman's tirade first against blacks, then against Turks and Italians, then against everyone who's not a native German The tirade goes on for like ten minutes, cue in some really really hideous language (that we got quizzed on using our vocab sheet) and all through it the black guy doesn't say anything at all. Then the conductor comes around asking for the tickets. When the (still ranting) lady pulls out hers, the black kid grabs it out of her hands, puts it in his mouth, and eats it. The old lady tries to explain to the conductor that "the black man ate it," but she gets thrown off the train.
Moral of the story: Practice tolerance, or minorities will eat your important documents.
Then we all had to get in groups and reenact the film for the whole class. Read: curse each other up and down in German while two German students sat in the back of the class and congratulated us on our use of the vocabulary. We had to use quotes from the film, including "You don't have an invitation to come here," "We don't need Africans," and "All blacks have AIDS."
Germany has ceased to be different. I think most of you will agree with me when I say this country is just weird.
Anyway, adios amigos.
P.S. Your Insight Into German Culture/ Quote of the Day
"So, can you help me with this one? I don't understand why Germany is so into public displays of affection. Like seriously, laying on top of each other in the middle of the square and hard-core making out? I just don't get it."
"Did they have their clothes on?"
"Mostly."
"Well, what's the problem then?"
6 comments:
Did you ever figure out what kind of bugs infested your room, and *why* they even chose to congregate on your ceiling to begin with?
And "weird" would be something of an understand, methinks...
-Jennifer
Whoops...meant to say "understatement", not "understand"...
the making out in public is very much an european thing. By comparison Americna are very prudish!!!!
forgot to tell you- chances are that spider is harmless- most are- read:
Venomous Spiders
Q. What is the most poisonous spider?
A. The most poisonous spider known is the black widow, Lactrodectus mactans, which has venom 15 times as toxic as the prairie rattle snake's, according to Dr. Alice L. Anderson, an entomologist for the State of North Carolina.
Because a spider has so much less venom than a snake, however, it can never inject as much into a person, Dr. Anderson said. Only 1 in 100 untreated black widow bites is fatal, as against 15 to 20 percent for the rattler. "If it had the same amount of venom, mortality would go way up," she said.
Black widows, the females black with an hourglass mark on the abdomen, live in every state but Alaska but are most common in the Southeast, she said. Its venom is a neurotoxin, a nerve poison that can cause muscle pain, a rigid abdomen, tightness in the chest, spasms of large muscle groups, excruciating abdominal pain, convulsions, paralysis and shock. There is an antivenin, and treatment for shock is also indicated.
Most spiders are venomous, but most of them have fangs too short or fragile to penetrate human skin. The brown recluse spider is also a problem, but death from its bite is fairly rare, Dr. Anderson said. Its toxin kills tissue and leaves scars; an untreated bite may require skin grafts.
Your friendly spider does not appear to be either one!...but you can always get rid of it!
-mom
Yeah, the Europeans can be a little open about their relationships. Example, Amsterdam.
As for bugs, you have a little sympathy here- termites invaded my building, and after two weeks, even the Targum was forced to admit that, yes, maybe we had a little bit of a problem. It all worked out in the end though. I also find it ironic that German students are all taking tolerance classes. You should be glad you're not French.
...so have you named the spider yet?
because if i were you, i would totally give it a name
<3,
Amy.
P.S. I thought I might tell you what happened in chemistry class today. I got silver nitrate on my hand! Therefore, several parts of my hand are now turning a dark brown. HOW COOL IS THAT?!
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