DSH and boots.

Seven hours later, I have completed the written portion of the DSH Test, and I feel broken.  I'm also having trouble speaking English, so bear with me--even though I have zero desire to ever speak German again (read: until tomorrow), nothing else seems to be coming out of my mouth.

Yes, I finished it.  Yes, it was awful.  But mostly because it took seven hours, not because of the content.  Truthfully gesagt, I'm pretty confident, and if I don't pass the test I'll be extremely surprised.  My essay, about how foreign students don't stay im Gastland because they're a) discriminated against, and b) offered better jobs in their home countries mit their foreign experiences behind them, came out pretty well, I think.  Hörverstehen was kind of a joke, I understood every word and I'm pretty sure I got, if not a perfect score, at least close enough.  My understanding skills are better than my speaking skills, so that's good.  Then came reading, an article about turning skyscrapers into greenhouses, which was random, but perfectly acceptable.

Then we hit the Grammatik part, and I wanted to kill someone, preferably someone other than myself, preferably someone with tea party affiliations.  I knew going in the grammar would be the hardest part, because, while I'm pretty good at knowing if something is right, I'm pretty sucky at knowing why it's right.  And, sure enough, it was obnoxious. Because on this portion of the test, they give you sentences with seemingly arbitrary words underlined, and you have to rewrite the sentence, reformat the underlined part, pay attention to grammar, and punch yourself in the groin, all while not changing the meaning of the original sentence or taking your frustration out on the Haitian girl sitting next to you. For example:

It is possible that we'll have to change the meeting time.

When I look at that, I think of several possible answers right off the bat, most involving grievous bodily harm, but this is incorrect.  The correct answer is either "I don't know if we'll have to change the meeting time," or "Maybe we'll have to change the meeting time." Now try doing that bitch work in a foreign language.  Actually, don't, because I already did, and it's not something I would wish on anybody who doesn't have tea party affiliations.

Personally, I think that whoever writes the test just underlines out of a combination of boredom and spite, because that's what I would do.  I would sit there with the pen in my hand, going, "And if I underline THIS part, then it looks like a baby doing a headstand!  And if I underline THIS part, it looks like a T-Rex is eating the baby!  And if I underline THIS part, then all the lines on the page turn into a recognizable, if impressionistic, reproduction of Picasso's Guernica!  WHO EATS SAUERKRAUT NOW, BITCHES."

The good news is that I need at least a 67% to move on to the oral part, and if I scored an 87% or above, they assume you're good enough that you can skip talking about random shit and just go study already.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

DSH Prüfung aside, I went shoe shopping yesterday, and bought boots. Anyone who has ever had the unpleasant experience of going shopping with me knows that I've been trying to buy boots since sophomore year of college, but they don't fit me. Seventeen years of horse-back riding and five months of intensive bike-riding have whittled my calves down to negative air space, which means that boots that fit my feet could fit two of my legs, and boots that fit my legs are made for Asian drag queens. However, I've discovered that if the boots have enough fur on them, the extra padding can more or less take the place of all the calf I'm missing, and that's why I now own a pair of brown furry pirate boots.

I also bought the greatest slippers the world has ever seen.  At first glance, they look like a hideous Christmas sweater from a seventies Sears catalogue came to life and wrapped itself around my feet, and at second glance, they like my feet are being raped by said hideous Christmas sweater.  I've never been this excited about slippers.

Here's my new favorite song of the day for you.  Let it never be said my musical tastes are anything but terrifyingly eclectic.  Plus, I really like the one guy's glasses: