The Second Worst Thing That Could Happen to a Foreigner

1) Dying
2) Losing Your Wallet

There goes 100 Euros, my 36 Euro Buskarte, my Rutgers ID, my Uni Konstanz ID, my driver's license, my AAA card, my health insurance card, my debit card, and my USEF card. Not to mention a whole lot of other shite AND my Blockbuster movie rental card. Fucking Hell.

Whereas normal people go do fun things on Friday nights, mine was split between talking on the phone with Commerce trying to convince them that yes, they should send me another debit card, and no I'm not in America, and running around on my bike looking for the police station. Then I had to stand outside awkwardly, get buzzed in through the door after convincing some random Disembodied Voice that I should be let in because I'm foreign, and then talk to a giant police woman, who was quite nice but who had such a thick obnoxious Konstanz accent I had to work extra hard to understand her. As far as I can tell, I have to go to the Fundbuero on Monday to see if any good Samaritan turned in my wallet (it had a hundred Euros in it--it's not getting turned in.), then go back to the police station on Tuesday after my soul has been crushed by the lack of good Samaritans to meet with the same chick I did today to figure out what to do about the German crap that I lost. Also on Monday I have to call the US Consulate in Frankfurt to figure out what to do about the american crap I lost.

Dear God,
If you could get Comcast or whatever so you could stop fucking with my life for kicks, that would be awesome. And if you could magically provide some raspberry iced tea to make me feel better in the meantime, that would be even cooler.
Complete and Total Lack of Love,
Tina